Fly with me
by Livlov-Nevergiveup
Summary: JONAS. Macy has experienced enough heartbreak, she finally decides to give up on Nick Lucas. But what happens when Nick just starts to catch on? Will it be too late for Macy to let Nick into her life? Nick/Macy Joe/Stella
1. Trailer

Trailer

_**If time was still**_

_**The sun would never find us**_

_**We could light up**_

_**The sky tonight**_

_**I would see the world through your eyes**_

_**Leave it all behind**_

**Close up of Macy's face looking at the outside of her school as she speaks.**

Macy's voice: _Have you ever really looked at on outsider? You know, one of those kids at your high school who you call a loner? Have you watched how they react with people, or how they think?__Well I have, and I discovered something very disturbing; they're not alone, they just don't need people._

**Macy Misa; athletic and perky girl who secretly has to deal with the heartbreak of her father leaving her and the boy she loves not loving her back. **

_Shows Macy watching her father leave her a few months earlier then shows Macy looking longingly at Nick. _

**Nick Lucas; cute and charming rock star, a sensitive and hopeless romantic who constantly overlooks Macy.**

_Shows Nick on stage at one of his shows, then switches to a screen with him being mobbed by tons of girls, last shows him walking past Macy at her locker without acknowledging her._

**Over the summer, Nick discovers Macy is a lot different person then he could have ever thought.**

_Shows Macy playing piano while Nick is hidden. _

**But will Macy and Nick look past who they used to be and become who they are before summer ends? And will who they are be who they both want?**

_Shows a montage of scenes with Nick and Macy in them. The last showing Macy at the airport looking back at Nick. _

**Starring;**

**Nicole Anderson as Macy;**

"_Don't humor me Nick, I've already had enough heartbreak in my life."_

**Nick Jonas as Nick Lucas;**

"_I don't know what it is this summer, but Macy is a different person."_

**Joe Jonas as Joe Lucas;**

"_There must be something in the tap water down here because Nick's never acted this way before!"_

**Chelsea Staub as Stella Malone;**

"_Just leave her alone Nick, she doesn't need you breaking her heart!"_

**Kevin Jonas as Kevin Lucas;**

"_Whoa, dramarama central!" _

**In**

**Fly With Me**

**I hope you like it! There will be way more Nacy after chapter one! (Give it a chance!)**


	2. I'm Fine

I used to dream in color. Honestly, it was like a rainbow exploded inside my head and painted the most beautiful images. I used to wake up and imagine all my dreams coming true. I could imagine that my world was a party with me as the DJ. I could imagine that I won an Olympic gold medal for being awesome. I could imagine that I was a princess, and _he_ was my prince.

Now, I dream in black and white. I wake up, and see that the world is the same way. It's cruel and unforgiving. You're either in or you're out. And no matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough.

Like most girls, my life revolves around a boy. Or used to anyway. But stupid me, I picked a boy who most girl's lives revolve around. With his brown curls, matching eyes, and voice like an angel, he breaks hearts on a daily basis. Not to say that any of this is his fault, he's just part of the reason.

He's part of the reason that I now avoid everyone I used to care about. He's part of the reason that I quit doing sports. And he's part of the reason for me not wanting to live.

* * *

Have you ever really looked at on outsider? You know, one of those kids at your high school who you call a loner? Have you watched how they react with people, or how they think?

Well I have, and I discovered something very disturbing; they're not alone, they just don't need people.

Okay, now look at the people in your life who you consider popular. Maybe you consider them strong because they're surrounded by people that follow them. Or maybe people follow them because they're good at a recreational game, otherwise known as a sport. 9 times out of 10, who do you think is going to succeed in life, the person who can go it alone, or the person who needs others to think themselves worthy?

* * *

Why do 50% of songs involve a girl pining after, musing over, breaking up with, or lashing out at a guy? Do we really have nothing better to do with our lives then constantly think about boys? It's demeaning!

I mean sure I used to dance around in my pajamas and sing to Taylor Swifts, 'You belong with me', but now I realize how pathetic I am.

When has the guy ever gone for the lonely and geeky girl next door? Especially a world-wide famous rockstar?

* * *

You could consider Macy Misa popular. She's admired for her athletic ability and constant perkiness. Her best friend is one of Horace Mantis's popular people. Not to mention she is friends once removed with the infamous band, Jonas.

Why in the world wouldn't you want to be Macy Misa? Why in the world does Macy Misa not want to be Macy Misa?

* * *

"_Man she is so annoying! I wish she would just get it through her head that we don't need some stalker following us around at school! We already have enough of that outside in the real world!" Joe complained. _

_He continued picking at his lunch while thinking violent thoughts towards the perky brunette who had made him sprain his ankle. _

"_Come on, give her a break! So she admires you a lot, you don't have to hate her for it!" Stella said quietly. _

"_We don't hate her, we just can't stand her!" Kevin said matter-of-factly. Stella shot him a death glare across the lunch room table. _

"_Well I hate Macy; she totally ruined my chances yesterday with that new hot girl Linda! Macy totally needs to get over her stupid crush!" Nick commented. Stella stayed quiet and tried to ignore the rude comments directed at her best friend. _

"_Whatever, just be nice to her okay? She thinks you guys are her friends! Plus she's coming with us this summer to L.A.!" Stella announced. The members of JONAS groaned at their misfortune while Stella quickly shushed them. _

_They all continued eating and proceeded to talk about Kevin's latest dream. Little did they know that the brunette they were just talking about had overheard the whole thing from her spot behind a nearby pillar. _

* * *

The oldest unanswered question; what is love. Here are some definitions; an intense liking for another; a desire for someone; concern for the wellbeing of another; or caring for someone else's wellbeing more than your own.

That's basically the only reason I don't off myself right now. It's because I love my mother. And she couldn't bear to live without me. She already lost her husband, and look how well she reacted to that. My mother now is intent on spending her days lying around in bed refusing to speak or eat. She doesn't even take showers unless I force her to get up, and she sure as heck doesn't work for a living. My uncle pays for most of our expenses now.

But despite all this, the only thing that hurts the most in this situation is I found out just how much my Dad really loves me, or just how much my Dad doesn't love me.

* * *

Tom Lee Misa.

My father.

My worst enemy.

I'll give you the reader's digest version; He slept with one of his clients, and left me and my mother.

His last words to me were; "Honey, I love you! And I'm not leaving you; I'm leaving your mother!"

What a fricking lie.

My dad doesn't love me, or he would have stayed!

And he didn't just leave my mother, he left me too.

* * *

"Hey Mace! Ready to go?" Stella asked joyfully, standing at my door.

_Heck no!_

"Heck yes!" Macy said. _Whoa, who was that? _I thought to myself.

"This summer is going to be so fun! You, me, Nick, Joe, and Kevin! We're going to have the whole summer to ourselves!" Stella squealed and started jumping around.

Macy joined her best friend. I watched in my brain wondering who the heck this alien was that had taken over my body.

I didn't want to go to L.A. Especially with three guys who hate me. However, lately I've become quite the little actress. I've successfully tricked Stella and the members of Jonas into thinking that that I'm the same person I've always been. But I have stopped talking to Joe, Nick, and Kevin completely. I've also memorized their schedules so I won't have any casual run-ins with them during school. Sure I still sit next to Stella and them at lunch. But I only make conversation with Stella. None of them seem to notice…or seem to care. Some friends.

* * *

I remember when I was little; my dad had a whole collection of fairytale books he would read to me every night. My favorite was sleeping beauty.

Her parents sent her away to live with fairy god mothers so she would be safe from the evil maleficent. On her sixteenth birthday she met a prince who fell in love with her at first sight. But then she was captured and put into a never ending sleep. The only thing that could save her was the prince. And that prince fought through a dragon and climbed to the tallest tower just so he could kiss his princess on the lips and live happily ever after.

My father used to tell me that someday, I would meet my prince and all my dreams would come true.

What a load of crap.

All my dreams went out the window the moment I discovered my Dad didn't even love me enough to call home and see how I was doing. Or when I found out that the boy I thought I loved hates me.

* * *

The plane ride to L.A. was…interesting. All five of us took a private jet down there. Stella brought her camera, reasoning that this was our last big trip before senior year and she wanted to have memories. I volunteered to take most of the photos since I know they didn't want me in them anyway.

Nick, Joe, and Kevin kept giving me weird looks on the plane. When Stella and I went to the back of the plane to get water Stella blindsided me.

"What is your problem?" Stella whisper-shouted rudely. I gave her a confused look and then asked her to explain.

"Nick, Joe, and Kevin invite you to their mansion in L.A. and you ignore them the entire plane ride here?" Stella questions. I consider telling her about the conversation I overheard. Or the fact that I know the Jonas's didn't invite me and that it was Stella's idea. But instead, I let fake Macy take over.

"Sorry Stell, I've just been feeling a little sick, I'll promise to be nicer!"

And from then on I ran on autopilot. Stella and I returned to where the boys were and I became my old self. I sat next to Nick and laughed at every one of Kevin's lame jokes, I told Stella that she looked beautiful in her over the top outfit, I made a bet with Joe on who would win the Soccer World Cup, and I fan-girl shrieked when Nick accidently swiped my hand.

I felt like an idiot when doing this stuff but Stella kept giving me approving glances. All the while I felt like such a poser.

I don't know how I could have ever acted like this before. Especially since Kevin's jokes are stupid, Joe can't tell soccer from hockey, Stella doesn't need to wear a thousand dollar outfit on a plane and I haven't felt the same about Nick ever since he said he hates me.

This is going to be a long summer.

"Hey Mace, are you feeling okay?" Stella asked me out of the blue. I glanced up to see everyone looking at me. I plastered a smile on my face and said, "I'm fine."

And so begins my pathetic existence.

* * *

**Hope you guys like it, there will be Macy and Nick in the next chapter, don't you worry!**


	3. Crashing Down

**Hope you guys like it!**

**I'm trying to get 5 more reviews so any critism would help!**

* * *

I never thought that I could hate California so much. I don't mean the place, I mean the word. Stella, of course, had the wonderful idea to make a 'California' mix tape for the car ride over to the mansion. That means each song has the word 'California' in it at least fifty times. And now, I can't stop using the word California in all my sentences. I swear, if I hear the word California come out of one more person's mouth I'm going to…

"_CALIFORNIA girls were undeniable! Whao whao whao whao Whao!_" Stella sang out.

I'll never be able to listen to Katy Perry again.

* * *

"Alright guys, here we are!" Joe announced. I looked forward out of the windshield and found a house that was worth more than my mom could ever make in her lifetime.

Once we pulled in, all of us gathered our belongings out of the trunk and began lifting them to the house. Kevin directed us through the mansion and to the pool house. Their pool house was three times the size of my apartment.

"Not too shabby." I murmured.

"_Not too shabby?_ Mace, this place is amazing!" Stella squealed. I rolled my eyes and reminded myself of the secrets I didn't need Stella knowing_. _Suddenly my body was once again taken over.

"I know! We're going to have the best summer!" I squealed back. Stella did a little happy-victory-dance type thing, then ran into the main house to go talk to Joe.

My smile instantly dropped off my face. I walked to one of the bedrooms and collapsed on the bed. The pure exhaustion of keeping up my façade was killing me. There are only so many things in the world to squeal and jump around about. Slowly I'm starting to lose joy in everything I do. Even sleeping on the same property as Nick couldn't make me happy.

Especially since I know I'm not wanted here.

* * *

You know when you hear a band on the radio and you instantly fall in love with it? Well that's not how it happened for me. The moment I began my pitiful obsession with JONAS, was the moment I saw Nick's face.

_(Flashback)_

"_Mace? Are you even listening?" Stella demanded. I nodded at whatever she said and continued reading my horoscope out of Seventeen Magazine. _

_We were having a sleepover in her pink plush bedroom. Stella kept going on about how her best friends are about to be on T.V. I asked why and she said that they were a new up and coming band. Apparently they are having the premiere of their music video tonight, and I agreed to watch it with her._

"_It's on, it's on!" Stella shrieked. I quickly put down my magazine and sat down next to Stella on the floor. _

"_One Day, when I came home at lunch time,_

_I heard a funny noise,_

_Went out to the backyard, to find out,_

_If it was one of those ratty boys…" _

"_Oh my goodness." I stated in shock._

"_I know! Those outfits are atrocious!" Stella said while avidly watching the screen._

"_Who is that angel that is singing?" I asked in awe. Stella gave me a weird look and then turned back to the T.V._

"_The lead singer? Oh, that's Nick! You're going to meet him on Monday at school! OMG! I can't believe it's almost the start of high school! Freshman year he we come!" Stella yelled with her hands in the air. _

_Nick Lucas, here I come…_

_(End of Flashback)_

I shudder at the thought of my three-year long obsession.

How long have I been oblivious to Nick's hate for me? How many hours of my life have I spent obsessing over a three boys that barely even acknowledge my existence? How long have I been in the state of denial about Nick secretly being in love with me?

How long will it be before there is no one is left that cares?

* * *

"I'm tired Stell!" I moaned from my bed. I buried my head further in the pillows in an attempt to block out Stella's voice.

"It's our first night here! We've got to go clubbing! It's practically an obligation!" Stella argued. She looked beautiful in the party dress she had put on. Stella had even gotten one for me, but I couldn't compare to her curvy body and blonde curls.

"I promise, next time we go somewhere I'll be more than happy to accompany you!" I assured Stella.

"But Macy…"

"Stella, just drop it." My alter-ego shined through my tone. Stella looked taken aback at my tone. I had to fix this quick before Stella suspected anything.

"Look Stell, me and my mom had a fight before we left and I want to fix it tonight. So, I'm planning on calling her." I lied through my teeth. I hadn't had a conversation, let alone a fight, with my mom since three months ago when my Dad left.

"Oh ok!" Stella said finally with a smile, "But tomorrow you have to come along!" With that Stella skipped out of the room without a second glance. Oblivious to any pain I've been feeling.

Aren't best friends supposed to know when you lying?

* * *

A new survey shows the average person tells four lies a day, or 1,460 a year for a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. The most common of these are: "I'm fine.", "Nice to see you", "Sorry I missed your call", "I'm stuck in traffic", "Our server was down", "The train was delayed", "The check's in the mail", "I'll call you back in a minute", "This tastes delicious" and sadly, "Of course I love you."

Congratulations Macy, you're a statistic.

* * *

I closed my eyes and listened to the soft sounds of the keys as I gently placed my fingers on them. I played the titanic theme song as I held back the tears in my eyes. The love story of Jack and Rose was epic. I used to dream that someday someone would be willing to put my life before their own in the name of love.

Of course, I also used to dream that Nick would suddenly show up at my door with yellow flowers and proclaim his love for me…but we all see how well that worked out.

After Stella left I had crept into the main house to the grand piano. The silence of the mansion helped my headache, and sounds of the instrument were therapeutic.

I changed my song from the Titanic theme to a cover of 'white flag' by Dido. I hummed the lyrics. I don't dare sing anymore since the members of JONAS admitted how much I suck at it. Instead I imagined singing in tune with the song.

I continued playing until I heard movement behind me. I immediately stopped and whipped around.

"What are you doing here?"

* * *

Here's a poem I wrote freshman year about Nick;

_Your brown eyes,_

_Tell no lies, they never stray or deceive,_

_Your brown eyes,_

_Lead me away, back into my dreams._

Here's a rewrite of the poem from the day I found out Nick hates me;

_Your brown eyes,_

_Tell no lies, but only in my dreams,_

_When I wake up, _

_Your big brown eyes,_

_Only seem to deceive._

* * *

"What are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly. Nick was leaning against the doorway staring at me. I couldn't read his intense gaze but none the less I was embarrassed he had discovered my secret.

"I heard the piano from upstairs; I didn't know anyone was still here. I thought you had gone with the others." Nick said quietly. He continued staring while I sat there uncomfortably.

"I didn't know you played." Nick gestured to the piano.

"Oh yeah! I learned the summer before ninth grade!" I explained. What I didn't tell Nick was I began piano lessons after Stella told me how much he was into it.

"So what were you playing?" Nick questioned while making his way over to me. I scooted over on the piano bench to make room for him.

"Whatever strikes my fancy." I answered with a smile. Nick laughed. We both turned to face the piano.

"So…what do you want to play?" Nick asked. I tapped my finger on my chin in mock thought. I then began to play 'Smile' by Nat King Cole. I thought Nick might not know the song but he began to sing the lyrics. We went along like that until the song ended.

We both sat there quietly again and smiled at each other.

"You seem different this summer." Nick said suddenly. I looked at him confused.

"Different how?" I inquired.

"Well, I don't know, cooler. I mean your less…" Nick drifted off. I suddenly realized what he was trying to say. I stood up quickly.

"I've got to go; it's been a long day…" I mumbled. I sped off quickly out of the mansion and to the pool house.

"Mace! Macy!" I heard Nick calling faintly.

Spazish, crazy, erratic, oblivious, perky, annoying… All words that Nick was about to say. All synonyms of what Nick thought of me.

Well I guess it only took my life to come crashing down for Nick to consider me 'cool'.

I've spent countless nights over the last three years crying over why he doesn't love me the way I love him. And I spent three months crying over why my dad doesn't love me. Just goes to show you, you can't trust the people you love. And I'm definitely done with trusting Nick.

* * *

**Tell me what you think! **

**There is a lovely button just waiting to pushed!**

**Thank you to all who have read!**


	4. Still Fighting

**I tried really hard on this chapter but I'm not sure its as good as the other ones. Anyways, please review!**

* * *

"I could swear that I was in a train wreck last night. That's the only explanation for this headache." Stella moaned into her pillow the next morning. I continued brushing my hair and putting on my make-up in the bathroom.

"Well Stell, that's what you get for drinking last night. At least you guys had enough sense to designate a driver." I mumbled while putting on eye-liner.

Stella and Joe had apparently strayed away from Kevin last night at the club and gotten some wine to drink. By the time they got back to the mansion Stella and Joe were completely plastered. I could tell Kevin was pissed about their drinking but he let it slide and made sure Joe and Stella didn't pass out on their way to the mansion.

"Please save the lecture for when this pounding in my head stops." Stella moaned again. I ignored my best friend and focused on my reflection. I turned with disgust from the mirror and tried to not think about my stringy hair and oddly shaped face.

Instead of thinking about myself I went out to Stella's bedroom and opened her blinds despite her protests.

"Come on Stell, we're burning daylight." I said in a chipper tone. I grabbed Stella's arm and dragged her out to the poolside.

"It's too bright!" Stella yelled dramatically while shielding her eyes from the sun. I smiled and continued into the kitchen. I caught my breath for a moment when I saw my favorite Jonas at the table reading the paper. Well, at the moment he's my least favorite Jonas. He's was also the one starring in my dreams last night.

"Where is Joe?" Stella asked a little disappointed.

"He and Kevin are still asleep. Apparently they had a late night." Nick said with a slight smile. Stella frowned and went to go watch TV in the living room. Thus leaving Nick and me alone. I purposely avoided his eyes and headed over to the fridge.

"Macy?" Nick called quietly. I decided it was time for fake-Macy to take over.

"What's up Nick?" I said perkily. I've never been so annoyed with my own voice. Nick looked a little taken aback by my demeanor.

"I wanted to ask you what happened last night…" Nick said cautiously. I sighed and grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge before turning around to Nick.

"You were there silly! I'm pretty sure I played the piano and you sang!" I said joyfully. Nick gave me a confused look.

"You seemed upset." Nick stated. It took all my effort to keep a smile on my face.

"Well I wasn't." I said quietly. Nick nodded and smiled, not at all looking convinced.

"Umm, okay. Oh, by the way, you were awesome on the piano last night! We should do it again sometime." Nick complimented. He flashed his rock star smile before leaving to join Stella in the living room. It almost killed me to hear those words now. Right after I finally decided to let him go.

"Thanks Nick." I whispered after he left. I then fled from the kitchen and out of the mansion. My vision became blurry as I found my way to the pool house.

I finally made it to my room before collapsing on my bed and bursting into tears.

* * *

_(Flashback) _

_I waved goodbye to Stella as she drove away from where she had dropped me off. I neglected to tell Stella that I had moved after my Dad dumped my mom and me. Actually I neglected to tell her that my Dad had dumped my mom and me. _

_Anyways, ever since then I've just been having Stella drop me off at my old house. I'd rather walk to my apartment then admit to Stella why my mom and I moved. _

_I sighed and looked around before beginning my walk. When I finally got home, my mom was nowhere to be seen. Big shocker there. _

"_Mom!" I called. She didn't respond. I dropped my backpack to the ground and listen to the silence around me. It was deafening. _

_I walked down the hall past the bathroom and the first bedroom. I finally made it to my mom's room. When I opened the door I cringed at the sight. _

_My mom's room smelled of stale pizza and body odor. Unpacked boxes were strewn around the room; dirty clothes were left on piles on the ground. Dishes were left broken on the floor, most likely thrown against the wall by my mom. My eyes finally settled on her. She was lying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. _

_Tears were stinging my eyes. She wasn't like this before. My mom used to be so happy, and so full of life. _

_I hate my father. _

* * *

Once when I was young and true,  
Someone left me sad-  
Broke my brittle heart in two;  
And that was very bad.  
Love is for unlucky folk.  
Love is but a curse.  
Once there was a heart I broke;  
And that, I think, is worse.

-Dorothy Parker

* * *

"_Hey mom, I'm home." I whispered. I sat next to her still body on the bed. I could hear her slightly breathing. _

"_So guess what happened at school today?" I asked. _Silence_._

"_You know that boy I'm always talking about? Nick Lucas?" _More silence_. _

"_I accidently sprained his hand today." I laughed quietly. My mom didn't even blink. _

"_I told you he's famous right!" I smiled. My mom rolls over. I smile again at her. She opens her mouth to speak. _

"_I don't care." She says coldly before turning her back to me again. _

_I silently let the tears begin to fall. _

"_Oh." I stated, "Okay." I waited for another moment before getting off the bed. I silently hoped she would stop me before I left. But as usual, she said nothing. _

_Again the deafening silence settled in. I almost wished I had left it that way to begin with. But this time I let the silence overtake me. A loud reminder of words to remain unsaid._

* * *

"What's the difference between Apathy, Sympathy, Empathy, and Pity?"

I don't know who cares?

Ok, I'm sorry that sounded insensitive.

That probably made you sad. That makes me sad.

You poor thing

* * *

"So what happened with your mom?" Stella asked. I jumped a little at the question. Stella, Nick, Kevin, Joe and I had all gathered around the T.V. for morning cartoons. Stella and Joe were both laying on the couch in opposite ways while Kevin sat on the floor and I shared the couch with Nick. I finally got myself looking presentable after my minor breakdown. Up until now it had been quiet.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned quickly. Stella gave me a weird look.

"You said you two had gotten in a fight." Stella explained. I exhaled and smiled.

"Oh! Yeah, my mom and I are fine now." I answered. Stella nodded then turned back to the T.V. I glanced over at Nick and caught him looking at me. He quickly turned away.

"Why were you guys fighting?" Kevin asked, only half-listening.

"Um," I began nervously, "I didn't clean my room, or something stupid like that…" For the first time in a while I silently hoped that no one was listening to me.  
"Isn't your Dad usually the clean freak?" Stella questioned. That question physically pained me to answer.

"Y-yeah…um…he wasn't there when the fight happened." I answered almost inaudibly. I started messing with my bangs so no one would see the tears in my eyes.

"Where was he then?" Nick asked quietly.

I tried to hold it in, but that last question took me over the edge. I mumbled something unintelligible before walking out to the pool and down to the beach. I then started sobbing.

For me, breaking down in tears twice in one morning is a very strange occurrence. I'm not usually one to cry, but the question Nick asked rang very true.

Where is my Dad?

* * *

There are almost 4,000 species of mammal in the world, only about three percent of which stay with one mate throughout their life.

However, in the black darkness of the deep sea, a tiny male anglerfish detects and follows the scent of a female of his own species. Once he finds her, he bites his chosen one and hangs on. His skin fuses to hers, their bodies grow together. They mate for life.

Now if two ignorant little fish can stick together through the bad times and the good, why do 50% of all first marriages in America fail? Are people no smarter than a fish? Or is the fish just too stupid to let go?

* * *

I sat curled up on the beach trying to control my breathing before returning to the mansion. I know I would have to think up an explanation for my sudden exit but for now I'm just trying not to cry.

"Mace?" A voice said behind me.

* * *

**OOOH! Who is this mystery person? (You probably have a really good guess.)**

**Well, what do you think? Please review, even if its negative(but no cruel reviews please). **

**Thank you so much for reading!**


	5. Hating the one you love

Sorry for the unplanned hiatus there and I hope there is some people who are still willing to actually read my story!

I hope you enjoy! Trust me I'll post the next chapter much sooner then I did this one :)

* * *

"Mace?" A voice said behind me. I froze.

Oh please anyone else.

"Macy? Talk to me come on." Nick said gently. He walked in front of me and knelt down. He went to touch my face but I stood up before he could.

"There's nothing to talk about Nick. I'm fine!" I said quietly. I tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. We stood there in silence for a moment, I looked anywhere else but Nick's face. A little boy and his parents walked by us with a dog. He waited till they passed to speak.

"Is this about your mom? About the fight you guys had? Macy you can tell me! We're friends aren't we?"

My whole body tensed when he said that. Friends. We've never been friends. We can never be friends. Not since he said he hates me, and not after three years of me making a fool of myself in front of him.

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, my face as hard as stone, "No Nick. We're not friends."

* * *

_My horoscope for the month of May:_

Capricorn

22 December - 19 January

Your need to be loved can become a trap. Before you can truly experience love, you must first learn to love yourself. When you know you're loveable, love comes your way. But your insecurities tend to make you vulnerable. Don't force, demand, or hold onto love.

_Ugh. If only I had read this horoscope three years ago._

* * *

Nick's face had a shocked expression on it. The expression quickly turned to hurt.

And it felt good. To see him hurt. For him to feel rejected like I have for the last three years. It seemed like all the resentment for my dad and my mom, and for him were filling my body.

"I heard you that day. Of course it's probably not the first time you said it." I said calmly. Nick looked confused.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" He stuttered. Nick looked like he really didn't know. Which for some reason made me even more angry.

"You said you hated me because I ruined your chance with Linda." I answered loudly. My eyes were starting water. Nick at least had the decency to look ashamed. He closed his eyes tight before speaking.

"I'm sorry Mace. I didn't think you heard that. And I didn't mean it." Nick eyes looked sad as he apologized. But I thought back to my poem and turned away from him to stare at the ocean.

"It doesn't matter Nick. I'm over it. And whatevers happening to me is none of your concern. Thank you for checking on me though." I finished. I waited for a beat before walking back towards the house. As I turned away I heard, almost inaudibly, "You _are _my concern."

I gasped quietly. I didn't think he remembered.

* * *

_ During one of the last days of freshman year I was having a really bad day. My parents had gotten into a huge fight the night before (the first of many to come) and my dad had stayed at a hotel. A year of failed attempts to get Nick to notice me had left me with the resolve to get over him and move on. But of course, nothing ever goes as planned when it comes to Nick Jonas. _

_I got to school late because I had cried myself to sleep that night and slept through my alarm. I knew I looked like hell but I couldn't stand the sound of my mother crying quietly in the kitchen, so I left without breakfast. _

_I remember getting to school, grabbing a late pass and going to my locker. I ended up standing there staring at it. Searching my brain for a combination I knew I would never remember. I heard the sound of someone walking by but I paid no attention. 43…27….35? No. 26….34…45? No. _

_I slammed my fist into my locker in frustration. I can't do this. All I can hear in my head is my parents screaming at each other, I'll never be able to focus in my classes. My face turned red as I was preparing to cry. I turned away from my locker and froze. _

_Nick Jonas was six feet away staring at me._

_Nick Jonas probably just witnessed my small breakdown._

_Nick Jonas looked so cute in that shirt. _

_I stood there awkwardly for a moment unsure what to do._

"_Hey Nick." I greeted quietly. I stood and waited for him to say something. He looked down at his feet awkwardly. _

"_Hey…" He trailed off. Oh. He doesn't even know my name. After a year of flirting and trying to get to know him, he didn't even bother to learn my name. _

"_My names Macy." _

_I turned away angrily and headed for the exit. I shouldn't have even gotten out of bed today. _

"_Hey wait!" Nick called. I walked faster as angry tears rolled down my face. Nick grabbed my arm and waited till I turned around to let go. _

"_Are you okay?" He asked. I wiped the tears from my eyes and glared at him._

"_Fantastic." _

_He shook his head and laughed. "Your right. Stupid question." _

_He stood there and waited for me to say something. But even as excited as I was to be talking about him, I was still mad he didn't know my name._

"_Do you want to talk about it?" Nick asked quietly. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. I noticed he glanced around, as if he was looking for an escape. _

_Then I felt bad. Its not Nick's fault my parents fought this morning. And whenever I tried to talk to him this year I usually ended up fainting or shrieking so there really wasn't a time when I actually told him my name. And now he's just trying to be nice and ask me what's wrong._

"_Look," I began, "thanks for asking if I'm okay but you don't have to be concerned. I'm fine."_

_Nick smiled and looked down through those beautiful brown eyes and said, "I can't find a pretty girl crying in the hallway and not be worried. At the moment, you are my concern." _

_I melted. As far as I could see there weren't any other crying girls in the hallway so he had to be calling me pretty. I don't think I really had a response. All I could do was stand there with a dopey smile on my face. _

_Suddenly the bell rang to signal the end of class. Students started pouring into the hallway. Nick smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. _

"_See you around Macy." Then he walked down the hallway. _

_If this had been a cartoon I would have had hearts swirling around my head. Why did I think I would ever be able to get over him? _

_Nick Jonas and I are destined to be._

* * *

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.  
-Jean de La Fontaine

* * *

I stood frozen in place. Not quite sure how to react. I turned around to face Nick and found that he had moved closer to me and was now only a few inches away.

I stared up into his brown eyes. They were familiar since I had studied them thousands of times on the posters of him hung all around my room. But Nick's eyes were different in person. They held specks of green and made me feel like I could stare into them for hours without getting bored.

"Macy, I'm sorry if I hurt you. But you can trust me." Nick said softly. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

How many times had I imagined this moment? The moment when Nick would actually _want _me to have a conversation with him. And the moment when he would hold my hand. His hand was bigger then mine and was calloused from playing his guitar so often. It was like I was dreaming in real life.

And I wanted to trust him. To tell him everything I had been going through for the past year. To tell him how much I want him.

But I can't. Because trusting him would mean putting myself out there for the thousandth time and having to feel the sting of Nick's rejection. And that's just something I can't go through again.

I pulled my hand out from his, not roughly but firm enough for him to get the point, and took a deep breath.

"I know I can trust you Nick. But there is a lot of stuff that I need to work through on my own. Okay?" I said quietly. I had said all of this while staring out towards the ocean. When I was done I turned around and headed back to the beach house. A second later I heard Nick shuffling along behind me.

We walked back to the mansion in silence. When I glanced back I saw Nick staring at me. I started blushing and turned my head so he couldn't see my face. But then I heard him laugh softly. As if he knows exactly what he does to me.

* * *

**An article from psychology today about 'Hating the one you love'**

_The difficulty that arises as a result of feeling hatred and love toward the beloved, not merely at the same instance but also over an extended period, is the difficulty of coping with profound emotional dissonance. Although the presence of mixed emotions is not necessarily puzzling, the presence of different emotions that are both profound and all encompassing, such as love and hate, toward the same person, seems to be psychologically incompatible._

Wow an article that perfectly describes my feelings toward my Dad. And maybe even Nick. I love both of them in so many ways, but at the same time I can't help but hate them because it seems I'm never enough for them.

* * *

"Look Macy I love you. But if you don't tell me what's wrong with you and what happened with Nick right now, I'll hate you for the rest of my life!"

I took my eyes away from my magazine long enough to raise my eyebrow at Stella to show her how unimpressed I was with her threat. Then I went back to flipping through my Seventeen magazine.

Once Nick and I had gotten back to the mansion we sat down and continued to watch cartoons. All the while Stella, Joe, and Kevin were glancing between us trying to figure out what had gone down after my dramatic exit. A little bit later the Jonas Brothers decided we needed more food in the house so they went out for a food run. And of course the second they were out of earshot Stella began her interrogation.

"Okay. I won't hate you. But you still have to tell me!" Stella whined. I yawned and slowly closed my magazine before turning to look at Stella.

"Stella, we…" I dramatically paused, and Stella held her breath, "…made love on the beach and after that we rode on horses into the sunset and confessed our love for each other."

Stella sighed and looked disappointed.

"You don't want to tell me now. Fine! But mark my words Macy, you will break!" Stella declared. I laughed at her words. It felt good to be able to joke around with Stella like I used to without feeling fake. I continued smiling and went back to my magazine. Then the doorbell rang.

"I guess I'll get it since you're so busy keeping secrets." Stella huffed.

She walked slowly to the foyer to the front door to see who it is when I heard Stella say, "Oh my goodness! What a surprise! Macy come here!"

I groaned at the thought of having to move. What could be more important then learning how to perfect the 'just out of the salon hair' look?

I got up and dragged my feet through the living room and to the foyer to see who this mystery person was.

"Stella, this better be fricking Ryan Gosling or something…"

Then I stopped in my tracks.

"Mace! Long time no see, huh?"

It was my Dad.

* * *

So...I hope you like it! Comment if you want!


	6. The Feeling of Loss

**I know I haven't written in a long time but I hope you like the new chapter! Comment if you would like!**

* * *

Speechless; not capable of being expressed in words

* * *

"Mace! Long time no see, huh?"

It was my Dad.

Here. After months of no calls, no emails, no nothing. After having to see my mom slowly break down until there was almost nothing left. After leaving us. After everything, he shows up here, smiling?

I was still standing there staring. Stella didn't seem to sense the tension. Instead she glanced out of the door and asked, "Is Mrs. Misa here too?"

I flinched at that one. My Dad raised his eyebrows at me and didn't answer. He's a pretty smart guy. I think he figured out that I hadn't exactly filled Stella in on anything.

"What are you doing here?" I said to distract from the unanswered question. My voice sounded more shocked then I meant it to. I meant for it to sound pissed and upset.

My Dad glanced at Stella before answering. "It's kind of a long story, do you think we could go talk somewhere?"

I stared at my Dad and then to Stella. She seemed to have figured out that something was a little off and was now giving me a questioning look. As much as I didn't want to see or talk to my Dad right now, I really didn't want to come clean to Stella.

"Sure. How about we go to the guesthouse out back." I answered quietly. Without waiting for a response I began making my way back through the house and outside to the pool house. I heard my Dad following behind and I was instantly reminded of the last time we talked…

* * *

_I closed the door quietly as I walked into the house. This morning, before I left for school, my parents had been fighting. But now the house was eerily calm. _

"_Hello?" I yelled out. A moment later I heard a thumping down the stairs as my Dad came down. He was carrying a suitcase._

"_Mace! You're home!" He said in a weird way. He said it like you would say it to someone you wished wasn't there. Like, 'Oh. _You're _here.'_

"_Yeah! What's with the suitcase?" I asked quietly. An uneasy feeling found its way into my stomach. My Dad goes on business trips frequently so him having a suitcase wasn't really out of the ordinary. But he hadn't mentioned it to me at all. And yesterday my mom had talked about all of us having dinner together tonight. _

_My Dad cast a quick glance upstairs before setting down his suitcase. He then walked towards me and put his arm around me. Slowly guiding me to the dining room. _

"_Have a seat." He instructed. _

_I sat down slowly. I felt like I was in the principles office or like he was about to punish me for something. But the look on my Dad's face wasn't anger or disappointment. It was a look of dread. As if he was the one that was scared to be here._

"_I'm leaving." He whispered without looking into my eyes. There was a moment of silence._

"_You said you wouldn't have anymore business trips for awhile." Even though I said it, I knew something else was happening. If it was just an unplanned business trip my mom would probably be walking around the house right now muttering about how inconvenient the trip was and how my Dad should find a new job. But she wasn't here. And everything was quiet._

"_I'm moving out Macy." He stated, finally looking me in the eye. _

_I stiffened slightly. Though it came as a somewhat of a shock, this was something I could deal with. My dad had moved out for a weekend twice before after getting into big fights with my mom. She was sad the entire weekend but my Dad had come back both times with flowers and a promise to stay and work things out. _

"_Okay." I nodded slowly. My Dad looked at me cautiously. Clearly this wasn't the reaction he expected. _

"_Okay?" He repeated with confusion. _

"_I'll deal with it. But Dad, I really think its better if you just stay and work things out with mom. When you leave for the weekend it just makes her sad and me miserable." I said honestly. While I tried to say this as maturely as I could, my Dad was looking at me with pity. Like I was a child who didn't understand. _

"_Mace," he hesitated slightly, before becoming more resolute, "I'm moving out for good. You're mother and I are not going to be together anymore." _

_I waited for more. I waited for something to happen that would make what my Dad just said untrue. When my Dad just sat there waiting for a reaction I began to panic. _

_I could stand the fighting. And I could stand the days when my parents refused to talk to each other. But I couldn't stand the thought of my parents being apart. Physically apart. Living in two different houses. Becoming like my friend's divorced parents who never spoke to each other unless it's in a bitter tone talking about child support or what not. This could not be happening._

"_Dad. Think about this. You guys can't just break up! There's counseling you can do! You can't just give up! You love Mom!" I exclaimed. Somehow I ended up standing. I felt panicked and afraid. But my Dad just sat there with this pitying look on his face. He slowly stood up shaking his head._

"_There is someone else Mace." _

_With that one sentence I understood. I understood that this was really happening. I understood that I knew nothing anymore. And that everything was different._

* * *

In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. That's 6,646 divorces per day, and 46,523 divorces per week.

To me, that's 6,646 shattered families everyday. One family, forever broken, every 13 seconds. It seems impossible that thousands of children all over the country can feel the same pain I feel. The pain of knowing that your family is forever ripped at the seams. And that any attempt to fix it will be nothing but useless patch work.

* * *

_I must have stood there for a few minutes because my father finally came over and hugged me tightly. We weren't really a hugging family. Somehow the hug made everything worse. _

"_I'll call in a few days," my Dad said quietly, "to see how your doing." _

_After pulling away my Dad gently wiped my tears away. I hadn't noticed I was crying. _

_My dad turned and made his way toward his suitcase. Without looking at me he grabbed it and began walking out the door. _

"_You're leaving us!" I yelled. Furious tears ran down my face. Anger and hurt overtook me. I stomped over to my Dad and looked him in the eyes. He looked sad but disconnected. As if he had just heard a sad story on the news but wasn't really affected by it. As if he hadn't just made this a broken home._

"_You're leaving us." I said almost inaudibly. This time he really looked at me. He looked indecisive and confused. It seemed like for a second, he was reconsidering. _

_But then a honk came from outside. His head snapped the direction of the noise. He opened the door wider and outside was an idling car with a blonde in the front seat. She was one of my Dad's clients. And she seemed to be waiting for him. I quickly put the pieces together and began glaring at my Dad. A blonde Dad? Really? How cliché. _

_If this was a funny situation then I might have mentioned how unoriginal this whole situation was. But I had never found anything less funny in my life. The honk seemed to make my Dad remember what he was doing. In a very business like manner he grabbed his suitcase and patted me on the shoulder._

"_Honey, I love you! And I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving your mother!" He said brightly. Like this was reassuring to me somehow. _

_I had no words. I was incapable of responding at that moment. Without a second glance my Dad strode out the door and to the waiting car. In less then a minute the car was gone. And I was left standing there looking out at an empty street. _

_I closed the door quickly, then turned and slid my back down it. I laughed humorlessly as I realized that I looked like one of those girls in the movies who slid down the door dramatically before sobbing. And I knew that I didn't want to be one of those girls._

_To do that would make it so my Dad somehow won. To do that, to give my Dad power over my emotions, would be the ultimate defeat. And if there was one thing Macy Misa didn't do, it was lose._

* * *

"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you."  
― John Green, _The Fault in Our Stars_

* * *

"It's a nice place they've got here." My Dad said pleasantly. This is always how my dad approaches serious conversations. First he begins by making an observation. Meaningless small talk that has no use but to let him begin the conversation.

Usually this is the part where someone would come in with a comment or a sign of agreement. But aside from not knowing what to say to my Dad, I didn't want to make this conversation easy for him. I stood silently as my Dad walked around appraising the guest house, hoping my non response would make him uncomfortable.

"You didn't tell me you'd be vacationing in Malibu this summer." My Dad began again. A bitter feeling arose in my chest.

"Sorry _Dad_. Between all of our letters and phone calls I must have forgotten to mention it."

At the sarcastic tone of my voice my Dad turned to face me. He had a sad gleam in his eye.

"I've been meaning to call, but I never quiet knew what to say." he admitted.

The note of regret in his voice did nothing to soften my anger.

"An apology would have been a good place to start."

My Dad nodded his head at that and closed his eyes. In a way he looked tired. The wrinkles around his eyes and his mournful expression made him look older then before.

"Mace," he said softly, "I don't want to discuss the past anymore. I came here because I want us to be a family. I miss you."

My anger melted slightly. And for a moment, I just felt like a little girl who missed her dad.

"I miss you too." I replied. My Dad smiled at that. It seemed to encourage him.

"I want to take you out tonight. I want you to….to meet someone."

Any warmth I felt for my Dad disappeared once again. I only had one guess about who this someone might be. It was the blonde. It had to be.

I thought about having fake Macy take this one. I thought about forgiving my Dad right on the spot. Not because I thought that anything he had done was okay, but because more then anything, I wanted my Dad back.

But it just wasn't that easy. And for once I felt like standing up to him and making him feel like hell for what he put me and my mom through these last few months. Before I could let him have it though, we were interrupted.

"Macyyyy?" Stella's voice sung. She came skipping into the guest house with a smile.

"I don't mean to interrupt but I was thinking that tonight would be the perfect time to have a little beginning of the summer feast! And since your Dad is here he can join in!" She giggled in excitement. As if this was the best idea since microwave popcorn.

But it wasn't. Having dinner with my estranged father and my longtime crush at the same table was not my idea of a good time.

"Actually Stell…" I began.

"That would be great. And I can even bring my guest with me." My Dad suggested. He smiled with excitement. He knew there was no way I could get out of this without admitting to Stella right then and there that my Dad had left my Mom. And I hated him for using that against me.

So like any other time when I don't know how to react or what to say, I let fake Macy take over.

"Sounds like a plan." I agreed with a slight smile. Inside I was more panicked then I had ever been before.

Whether I liked it or not, something big is going to happen tonight.

* * *

**OOOOH whats going to happen at the dinner?**

**You'll have to stay tuned to find out!**


End file.
